by Beth | Oct 4, 2024 | Blog
Around this time last year I made a commitment to learn all I can about fighting depression. It’s not a glamorous subject and not one I would have chosen. (I still find myself asking God “Are you sure?”) But this is the road I’m on. I have to do what I can to learn to navigate this road and learn to not just survive, but to thrive.
In my research, I’ve come across a thought that at first struck me as rather uninformed. Nobody who understands depression would ever say this. Then I saw it as just plain heartless. Nobody who has ever been depressed could ever say this. Now I see it as truth.
Depression can be a road to great blessings.
I know.
If you’re depressed you’re probably a little bit mad at me right now.
You’re thinking I can’t possibly know what depression is if I can see any good in it.
Let me assure you that depression and I are well acquainted. I don’t mind telling you that I fight depression on a very conscious level, on a fairly regular basis. That doesn’t mean I feel the effects of depression every day. It means I’m susceptible to it, and if I don’t want to be overcome by it, I have to fight.
I do know the darkness of depression. And I have come to see how God can and does redeem even something so dark, something that was intended to destroy. (<–tweet this)
Let me share some of the blessing I can see from where I stand.
It can force you to live more proactively:
Every single thing I’ve learned so far about fighting depression is something that everyone needs to be practicing, not just those who are depressed.
Here are just a few:
- Eating well–depression and food are powerfully connected.
- Exercise–research shows it to be as effective as, or even more effective than, prescription drugs.
- Cultivating a living, working faith in God. This is not to say if you’re depressed you’re not faithful.
- Maintaining a healthy social life.
- Taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ.
It’s easy to get complacent and miss out on the blessing that come with living well. Depression can be that motivator that gets you living well again.
It can teach you empathy:
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
It’s pretty clear that God wants us to comfort each other with the comfort he gives us. We couldn’t really do that had we never suffered.
It can give you a living testimony of God’s grace:
I know you may not feel like it now, but you have been made more than conquerer. God didn’t just keep Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego alive in that furnace. He was in the furnace with them The people around you need to see God’s faithfulness not only when he delivers you from this struggle but also while you’re in the midst of it.
It can draw you closer to God:
Even though there are things you can do to get healthier, it’s not a formula. You can’t do it by yourself. He is the only one who really knows what you’re feeling. He is the one who knows what you need and has the power and desire to provide it. When you abide in him, putting it all in his hands, you can truly learn to say “It is well with my soul.”
It can wipe out those self-dependent tendencies of yours:
You are going to have to learn to accept help from those around you. There’s no getting around it. And when you learn that, you’ll be much closer to abundant life, because God designed us to live in community.
I’m sure you can think of more that I haven’t mentioned here. What are some of the ways God is using your present darkness to surprise you with his grace, help those around you, and bring you closer to himself?
by Beth | Oct 4, 2024 | Blog
If you’re depressed, or you’ve experienced depression in the past, I have a question for you: Are you exercising regularly?
If so, then I applaud you and encourage you to keep it up. You’re doing one of the most important things you can do for yourself in this fight against depression, not to mention the long list of other health benefits you’ll receive.
If you said no, please keep reading. I want to share with you some of my experience and what I’ve learned.
I was told several years ago that exercise would help with depression. I started exercising but never really made it a priority. I was too busy. I didn’t have a treadmill. I couldn’t afford the gym. It’s always either too hot or too cold to walk outside. Pilates in my living room got boring after a while. Let’s see, what other excuses did I have?
Well, you get the picture. I wasn’t exercising. I just didn’t know how powerful it is.
Maybe you’ve heard that too but doubted that exercise could be any match for what you’re going through. After all, as we’ve discussed in previous articles, depression is the presence of a chemical imbalance in the brain. So, how could walking possibly change my brain chemistry?
Doesn’t it make more sense to treat a chemical problem with chemicals?
It makes perfect sense to treat a chemical problem with chemicals. But not necessarily the ones in a bottle. As it turns out, our bodies are divinely programmed to balance their own chemicals through regular exercise!
In His amazing wisdom and mercy, God programmed within our own bodies a defense against depression. Scientists have now proven that regular, moderate exercise increases the activity of mood enhancing chemicals like dopamine and serotonin. These are the very chemicals targeted by popular antidepressant drugs. With exercise, the brain also increases production of an important chemical called BDNF, an important growth hormone. Pain perception, muscle tone, memory and other mechanisms are all regulated by this complicated mix of chemicals. Exercise keeps them balanced.
Unaddressed stress causes depression. Exercises addresses stress.
Have you ever read about the “fight or flight” response and the amazing cascade of chemical reactions that occur when a person is under sudden stress? Your body undergoes incredible changes to prepare you for an intense burst of physical activity, perceiving that you are about to engage in a physical battle or a difficult escape. Changes occur in your brain, lungs, muscles, blood, liver, and immune system, to name a few. Even your sleep changes if your body doesn’t detect that the danger is over. (You were designed to sleep lightly when your brain detects danger. How amazing is that?)
The trouble is, in our modern society, we seem to be under more stress than ever with fewer ways to “fight or flee.” When we exercise regularly, we send a signal to our brains that indicates that we’ve fought the fight and it’s OK to call off the chemical army. Conversely, when we don’t get enough exercise, the chemical reaction to stress never gets a chance to rest and turns into a recipe for depression and other health risks.
Many studies have now shown that regular exercise is more effective in the fight against depression than antidepressant drugs.
Studies also show that while the effectiveness of antidepressant drugs decreases over time, and people using them have a strong likelihood of reoccurrence, people who exercise regularly (and do not take antidepressants) do not experience nearly as high a rate of depression returning.
Thankfully, I now understand the importance and power of regular exercise and I’m doing much better. I see it as a priority, not something that gets worked in after everything else. It’s now the second thing I do in the morning, right after reading my Bible in the sun (more on sunshine later). I can truly say I feel less burdened. My mind has felt more clear and focused. I’m less sleepy. I entertain fewer negative thoughts. I dream more. I have more courage to do new and difficult things. I’m having more fun playing with my kids (I guess because I can breathe when I run). And, as an added bonus, I’m listening to a lot of great audio books on subjects I care about while I exercise, like marriage, homeschooling, spiritual gifts and personalities. I’m learning and growing while taking care of my physical needs.
Are you ready to get serious about fighting depression and putting yourself on a path toward emotional and physical health? What will you do this week to establish a routine that involves regular, moderate exercise? Share with us in the comments so we can cheer you on!
by Beth | Oct 4, 2024 | Blog
Isolation… depression… more isolation… deeper depression…
And the cycle goes on, getting worse as it goes.
We were created to crave the company of others. Babies can not physically thrive without positive social interaction. As adults, our problems are more difficult to face and our blessings are less meaningful without the support of loved ones.
Unfortunately, one of the first things that happens when a person becomes depressed is that they begin to pull away from their social network. They begin turning down invitations to social events, stop initiating time with others, and even stop communicating by phone. The depressed person feels like this is what helps them cope, it almost feels like a security blanket, a hiding away from the world and all of its trouble.
But isolation is anything but healthy, especially for a person who is depressed.
Isolation, or lack of social support, is a huge risk factor for depression. “People who lack a supportive social network face an increased risk of becoming depressed, and of remaining depressed once an episode strikes.” (The Depression Cure, Stephen Ilardi).
If you are depressed and you feel yourself pulling away from friends and family, you need to know that this will only hurt you. Remind yourself that your intense desire to curl up on the couch by yourself is your depression talking, and it’s not what you really need. This is one of those time that you must do hard things if you want to get well.
In my article last week I encouraged you to insist on solitude. You may be thinking that I’m contradicting myself now, by telling you to get out with friends. It is important that you know the difference between solitude and isolation, at least in the context of this series. Solitude is a time of pulling away from the noise of the world to be refreshed and rejuvenated. Solitude is healthy and necessary. Isolation, on the other hand, is not healthy. It doesn’t involve rejuvenating activities like time in prayer or journaling. Isolation usually gives way to rumination (obsessing over the negative things) and other unhealthy activities.
If you’re not depressed but you have been before, be proactive; build that social network now. Find the people and the activities that will serve as insurance against isolation should depression ever knock on your door again.
If you are battling depression right now, here are some tips to help you get up off the couch and back into healthy social interactions
Start small:
If you’ve really pulled away and the thought of being with people is overwhelming, start with an activity that will require very little involvement on your part, like going to eat at a restaurant. Just the minimal conversation you’ll have with your server and seeing the other people in the restaurant can help you to feel like the world is still turning and people are still going about their daily lives. Just don’t get stuck here. Make it a goal to embrace more meaningful social interaction. I know it’s hard, but it’s part of the healing, you need to be socially involved.
Ask your friends to help you:
If engaging in social activity is difficult for you then initiating it will be even more difficult. It may feel impossible. Tell a friend what you’re dealing with; the depression itself and how difficult it is for you to be socially active. Tell her that you’re not avoiding her because of anything she has done or because it’s what you really want. Ask her to check up on you and give her permission to be persistent with invitations to lunch, or coffee, or whatever.
Use the time with friends to take a break from your troubles:
This is not to say that you can’t ever talk about your situation. Of course you need friends in whom you can confide and who will listen to and pray for you. But sometimes you just need to be with people and focus on the good things in life. Even if you don’t feel it at first, if you commit to vocalizing positive things, you will find yourself focusing on positive things. Your social interactions will be more rewarding and you’ll find it easier to seek out a social interaction in the future.
Avoid toxic relationships:
Ok, I’m giving you permission to avoid one type of social interaction. You need social support, not social sabotage. To the extent possible, try to avoid social situations and individuals that will emphasize your negative feelings or make it more difficult for you to focus on healing. Toxic relationships can include people who are constantly saying things that make you feel unworthy or defensive. People who insist on complaining, even if not about you, are also toxic to a depressed person. Find positive people.
Depression will try to pull you away from the very thing that can lift you out of the darkness. Don’t give in. Insist on time with friends.
Homework:
- Go to church and talk to at least three people (More than “fine thanks, how are you?”)
- Call one friend and arrange a lunch or coffee date
- Cut ties with any social interactions that feed your depression
As for me, I took my own advice and had lunch with a friend followed by watching the kids feed the ducks. (That’s them in the picture.)
by Beth | Oct 4, 2024 | Blog
When was the last time you spent a good chunk of quality time… with yourself?
I can hear some of you saying “Ha ha, wouldn’t that be nice! I’d love a few minutes to myself, but it just isn’t going to happen. At least not until my youngest child is 18!”
I hear you. The idea of significant time alone sounds like a distant fantasy.
We live in such a busy world that there just isn’t time for solitude. There’s too much to do. There’s work, and there’s a house to clean, budget to balance, and meals to make. There’s church and all of its many wonderful programs. And then there are the kids’ activities… so many kids’ activities! And let’s not forget that our marriages take time too!
And then there are those people who like nothing better than to make us feel like we’re selfish if we need time alone.
So we trudge on, warriors that we are.
Or so we think…
Until we crash.
The idea that we don’t have time for solitude is a lie. We make time for what is important to us. Satan knows how vital it is for God’s children to get alone with Him and be refilled and he has crafted some dangerous lies to convince us that it’s just not possible.
As Christians we know that we are to be selfless; putting others before ourselves. So, we fill our days doing all kinds of good things for other people with no room left for solitude.
We are servants, we are selfless.
And Satan has us right where he wants us when we believe his lie that says that everything else is more important than our solitude. Don’t let him put you there. Don’t let his lies render you ineffective.
The truth is that you cannot serve anything from an empty cup. You can only put others before yourself if you are actually taking care of yourself.
I know, it’s a difficult paradox.
But think about it:
- How patient are you when you’re tired?
- How much work do you get done when you’re feeling scattered and unfocused?
- How loving are you when you haven’t tapped into God’s love for you?
- How quick are you to forgive when you haven’t spent time in repentance before the Lord, basking in His forgiveness for you?
- How much joy do you share when you seldom take an opportunity to enjoy something beautiful?
Jesus pulled away from the crowd. I think if anyone knows what it’s like to have “a lot to do” it was Jesus. If he can take a break, so can you. You must.
If you’re fighting depression, I need to tell you that quality solitude is not just a nice idea; an indulgence for other people. It’s absolutely imperative that you find some time for quality solitude. I know it’s hard, I struggle with it myself.
The great news is this is something God wants for you. If you commit this need to Him, He will honor your faith and your obedience and make a way for you. Be open minded because His way might not be what you imagined. Let the Lord get creative with your schedule and your resources. He’ll probably come up with something far more interesting than you would have!
Homework;
1.Turn away from the lie that says you don’t have time to get away with God.
2. Ask God to make a way for you to have the solitude that you need.
3.Get away with God, even if it’s 15 minutes per day.
4. Memorize Mark 1:35 “And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.”
This is one of those areas where we can all help each other. What are some of the things you do to make sure you get the solitude you need? What do you do with your solitude once you get it? What are your biggest obstacles to solitude? Please share in the comments below.
by Beth | Oct 4, 2024 | Blog
Several weeks ago I read a book called Master Your Metabolism (Jillian Michaels). My doctor and I suspect that I’ve been experiencing some insulin resistance and I needed to find a way to regain my health.
I enjoyed reading the book. It’s full of helpful information and practical advice. I was feeling empowered, ready to lose some tummy fat, ready to get my energy back, and ready to feel good again. I was beginning to feel thinner already! This book was exactly what I needed and I was no longer a prisoner to bad health. I was healthy. I was unstoppable.
Did you see the progression there? Just by reading the book I convinced myself that I was already healthier. Imagine my disappointment when, a few weeks later I came to my senses and realized I wasn’t any healthier at all! Was it a bad book? Was I misinformed?
Not at all. It’s a great book and it has the power to help any reader find better health…
…IF said reader does what it says.
The same is true for anything we try to do. We can get all of the best information, secure all of the right tools, and be filled with hope and courage that change is on its way. If we use the tools, we’ll probably see great results. If not, we’ve just set ourselves up for another fall. Maybe we’ll blame it on the tool because it didn’t work. Maybe we’ll blame ourselves because we failed again. Maybe we’ll decide we’re just stuck where we are because if that last tool didn’t help, nothing will. Here’s the thing:
You have to use the tool!
It is my heart’s desire to be an instrument in God’s hands that will help free the captives from the darkness of depression and other strongholds. I promise to do whatever I can to bring you valuable information, compassionate support, Biblical counsel, and honest, personal testimony. And I ask something of you in return: I ask that you make a commitment to “do the hard stuff.”
This is a battle.
It is real.
And you will not win if you do not fight.
Jesus won the battle for your soul on the cross. You have an enemy who will do whatever it takes to convince you that you are not free. In that sense, the battle still rages. (Ephesians 6:12)
Are you willing to pick up your weapons? Will you do the work that freedom requires?
If not, I can’t help you.
I could say all the right things. I can give you the most sincere and empathetic encouragement a person can muster. But if you simply read these words — or the words of someone else that God sends your way — and do not put them into action, you will not be changed.
Will you make a promise to yourself today? Will you promise to pick up your armor and fight?
No more excuses.
This is not a classroom where the empathetic teacher can still give you a good grade –even though you didn’t do your work– because you provided a valid excuse. This is a battle, and there are no wins for people who don’t “show up.”
So, if I…
…explain to you that exercise is vital to your mental health…
…tell you that you need to have quality relationships in your life…
…show you some powerful changes you need to make in your diet…
…suggest that you stop ruminating on the negative things in your life…
…encourage you to discover the truth about who you are in Christ…
…tell you to stop looking for support in all the wrong places…
(…and I will…)
…then don’t tell me you’re too busy, or too tired, or too broke, or you already know that, or you can’t control that… or whatever.
This is your life.
I want you to win this battle. I want you to turn around and help the person climbing the mountain behind you to win their battle. If you want that too then you must choose to take up your weapons, put on your armor, show up at the battle, and do the hard stuff.
And I’ll show up with you, armed for the fight.
Homework
- Memorize James 1 23-25 *see note below “Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.”
- Write a contract with yourself, or between you and God. Vow to put the things God shows you (Whether here or elsewhere) into action.
- Read the other articles in this series if you haven’t already, you can find them here. (Read from oldest to newest posts.)
Please share this article if you found it to be helpful.
I’ll be praying for you this week!
Beth
*By asking you to memorize this verse, I in no way mean to imply that what I have to say is equivalent to the Word of God. I’m just pointing out the concept of doing what we’ve learned.
by Beth | Oct 4, 2024 | Blog
“A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that directly or indirectly causes itself to become true, by the very terms of the prophecy itself, due to positive feedback between belief and behavior.” (source)
Depression can sometimes become a self-fulfilling prophesy.
In a previous article I talked about the postpartum depression that I dealt with for two years because I couldn’t find the help I needed. When my daughter was about 2 1/2, God revealed a new truth to me. (Not that the truth was new, just new to me.) I had begun to slip into a depressive mood. Not just a “funk,” not just feeling a little blue: The grey clouds were coming. Before long, I was sinking into deep feelings of loneliness, apprehension, and sadness.
What God showed me in that moment was that a big part of what I was feeling wasn’t the depression itself. It was the fear of depression.
Having been depressed before, I can easily recognize when I’m headed there again. This may be true of others who experience depression. It’s so easy to become apprehensive, anxious, and fearful over what you feel is about to happen. The world stops turning and your thoughts start spinning. All of your memories from past depressions flash before you, but not so clearly that you recognize that these are memories of things you’ve overcome. It’s more vague than that. You’re just transported back to that very place where there is only darkness and, because it’s so dark, you believe that you are there to stay.
You are convinced that this is your new normal. And that is a scary thought!
The trouble is, just like with any of the devil’s lies, this fear is cleverly cloaked. We don’t recognize that what we’re afraid of is the coming shadows of depression. It feels like we’re afraid of some unknown thing, something that can’t be identified or dealt with.
Just recently, I experienced a depressive episode that seemed to come from nowhere. No physical trauma like child birth or surgery, no spiritual trauma (like I described here). Nothing. It just hit me out of the blue. One day I was fine, the next day I was in the depths of darkness. I will tell you, I was afraid. I have a friend who has dealt with depression for many years. I wanted to call her in my desperation and ask “Will I ever be well?” “Am I just going to keep getting worse?” “Why is this happening?” “Is this just how it is for me?” “How do I live if I’m going to keep falling into this dark pit?” I didn’t call. Not sure why, probably didn’t want the kids to hear me.
The next day I learned that this episode was a result of dropping the dose of my medicine too fast (which I also wrote about here). So, the truth was, that this did not come “out of nowhere.” That meant I was not as vulnerable as I had thought I was. I hadn’t just slipped into depression for no reason at all. All of that panicking served no purpose but to exacerbate that darkness I was already feeling.
Instead of dealing with the issue at hand, I added fear of depression to the reality of depression. How would things have been different if I had chosen not to panic? …if I had looked back and seen that, with each depression, there has been full healing? …if I had known, beyond any doubt, that this was not my new normal? I believe that battle would have been half-won.
I think I’m finally learning what God was wanting me to learn all those years ago.
This is not my new normal.
Yes, I’ve been depressed several times, and I might be depressed again. But I have recovered every time. If I get depressed again it will be no different. I will recover again.
The same is true for you. Don’t let those dark days become darker, or last longer because you’ve added fear to your depression. Do not believe the lie that sends you into into a panic and steals your hope.
This is not your new normal!
Now that you’ve declared that “this too shall pass,” there are some things you can do to help ensure that you don’t slip into the “here comes depression” panic.
Watch for a pattern
Is there a time of day during a depressive episode that you tend to feel worse?
- If you recognize that particular times are worse than others, then you have to recognize that the opposite is true, that there are times that are better than others. That means that just because a grey mood is setting in, it doesn’t mean it’s here to stay. You can “power through” the worst of it when you know that the clouds will break soon, even if they may return again the next day.
- You can prepare for it. Now, don’t misunderstand me here. I do not want you to start expecting it! That could turn into another self-fulfilling prophesy. What I mean is that you can think ahead and put some strategies in place that will help ease the clouds when they do come. I know that in the hours just before sunset until just after sunset are the worst for me. I don’t know why that is. But by knowing that, I can make plans to do things that help me feel better during those hours.
- You may discover something in that pattern that identifies a trigger for you. Sometimes you can’t eliminate your trigger, but many times, if you are willing to do what it takes to be well, you can. If you can’t eliminate it, you can perhaps avoid or prepare for it.
Talk to yourself
Don’t be deceived into depression or into staying there longer than necessary. Positive self-talk is crucial. Keep these affirmations handy and repeat them when you feel that clouds drifting in:
- What I’m feeling right now is the fear of depression. I will turn my back on fear.
- This is not my new normal!
- I will not let fear intensify my depression and steal my hope.
- There is healing for depression — my depression — even this time.
Pray
I mention this last because I want you to remember it:
- “In my trouble I called to the Lord. I cried out to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my call for help reached his ears.” Psalm 18:6
- God knows how you feel. Telling him reminds you that He is there and is a declaration of your faith in him.
- Ask him to keep your eyes on the truth and to demolish the lies.
- Don’t know what to say? Try this; “Lord I believe, help me in my unbelief.”
- Ask others to pray with you. Hearing the prayerful thoughts of another heart is a deeply comforting.
Homework (if you are so inclined)
- Look up scriptures that you can use to refute the lie that says you can’t get well
- Write the above affirmations where you will have quick access to them. Read them often, even when you are feeling fine. Plant these truths firmly in your mind.
- Memorize Psalm 30:5
Crying may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5a
by Beth | Oct 4, 2024 | Blog
There we sat, in the emergency room, awaiting a CT scan for our preschooler. He had taken a hard fall on the garage floor about two hours earlier. Initial signs looked OK, but the doctors wanted to scan, just to be sure what we were dealing with. They were pretty sure he had a mild concussion.
A dangerous thing can happen when there’s time to wait in an emergency room. A person can start thinking some very disconcerting thoughts.
Oh, it doesn’t happen all at once. At first it’s just a feeling. You sense a gloominess welling up in your heart as you take in your surroundings.
You turn your attention away from this feeling for just a moment, tending to your child’s needs, trying your best to make him comfortable while he waits.
Before you even notice, the feelings come back: those nagging feelings of sadness, uncertainty, even fear, as you start to ponder how things could have gone for your child. But you stop. You see that he is fine and the nurses don’t seem to be terribly concerned.
So you wait a while longer, answer a few more questions for the nurses, and ask your little one if he needs a blanket.
And then, as if it never really left, the cloud returns. This time, instead of fearing for the well- being of your son, you turn your attention toward the ever-dreaded “what ifs.” What if we’re here someday because someone has a heart attack? Or a stroke? Or a car accident — it seems like there are so many car accidents lately. Which will be worse, the pain or the fear?
At this point you have two choices. You can either let those thoughts take root in your mind, branching out until they’ve turned into a full-blown forest of negative, destructive thoughts; or, knowing that those negative thoughts feed on themselves and multiply without mercy, you can choose to stop those thoughts dead in their tracks.
Your enemy would like for you to believe that there is nothing you can do to be free from this darkness that has wrapped itself around you. After all, you’re not choosing to have negative thoughts, you’re just reacting to life the way you see it. Can’t change that.
Oh, but you can!
2 Corinthians 10:5 says, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
Your enemy wants you to fill your mind with fear, or dread, or anger, or resentment. He convinces you, by using these self-reproducing thoughts, that you are justified in your thinking, that your thoughts are true and that you need to respond to them.
But God wants you to capture those lies and cast them away, to demolish them, replacing them with life-giving truth.
This week, as I found myself at the threshold of another brush with depression, I conscientiously chose to “take every thought captive,” to hold each thought up to the light of truth, and to replace every lie with its corresponding truth. And guess what… it worked! I spent the rest of the evening comforting my son, congratulating him for doing a great job with his CT scan and the ‘straw in his arm’ (an IV), and feeling no sense of gloom.
The Truth had set me free.
That’s what God wants for you.
When you feel yourself slipping into the darkness of negativity, STOP. Put your thoughts to the test. Hold them in captivity so they cannot go out and recruit friends! Compare those thoughts to The Truth and don’t allow any lies to take root in your mind. Your brain is an amazing thing. It determines the health of your body. Feed it truth. Demolish negative thoughts. Arm your body for the war against depression by filling your mind with truth.
Homework (if you so choose…)
- Practice taking every thought captive this week.
- Pay careful attention to your thoughts and where they lead.
- Stop your negative thoughts and don’t let them spiral out of control.
- Memorize 2 Corinthians 10:5
- Ask God to renew your mind and help you to keep a tight reign on your thought life.
by Beth | Oct 4, 2024 | Blog
My first recognized experience with depression was just after my first child was born. I can tell you the very moment that it started.
When I described to my nurse that I felt like a life-sized black curtain just suddenly fell over my life, she knew right away what was happening to me. Interestingly, she said that an astonishing number of women described that same black curtain when describing their postpartum depression. It was comforting to have her understanding, her empathy, and her knowledge. I knew that I wasn’t crazy, and that something very real was happening to me.
A whole year later I was still fighting mild depression. My husband, still wanting to understand so he could be supportive of my needs, asked me if I could put into words what I had felt during the most intense weeks (about six) of my depression. Even that far removed in time I could not answer him without crying, and all I could manage to say was “absolute desperation.” But I’ll try, now that it’s 13 years later, to put it into words for you…
…I was overcome with intense feelings of loneliness even though I wasn’t alone…
…It felt as if I was grieving the loss of a loved one, or even many loved ones…
…I was terrified, even convinced, that either my husband or my baby was going to die. I tortured myself with questions of “Who would I rather lose?” and equally tortured by the guilt that came with either answer…
…I felt emotionally disconnected from my newborn baby which just served to pile on more guilt. Physically, I was taking good care of her. But I would look at her, finally asleep in her cradle and think, “They tell me that’s my baby. She’s a pretty little thing, but she doesn’t really feel like mine. I probably should want to pick her up but I’d rather just let her sleep.” No mother wants to feel this way. These early days with our babies are supposed to be precious, the most magical of all days.
Other episodes of depression brought intense feelings of discouragement, defeat, and even guilt over things that normally wouldn’t cause guilt at all. After my son was born four years ago I told my friend that I was afraid I had ruined Lydia’s life by bringing a baby into our family. Wow. Looking back on that I can see how terribly distorted our thinking can become when we’re dealing with depression. The truth is, Lydia had been asking and praying for a baby sister or brother since she was about 2. She was now 9 1/2. Her life was indeed made richer by the addition of this baby. (Not to mention the fact the God brought this baby into our family, not me!)
With my post-surgery depression last fall came more intense feelings of loneliness, along with a general sense of doom. I was terrified of what was becoming of this nation (not that this is completely unfounded, but I wasn’t able to keep it in perspective). I was convinced that everyone in the world was unhappy. I even asked a friend at church, through tears, “Is everybody hurting? Is anyone happy?” She wisely discerned that I desperately needed to hear that not everyone is hurting, and yes, lots of people are happy. She added that I would be happy again too.
At that time I was also desperate to really believe that I was cherished, not just saved, by God. Looking back, I see now that many of my online friends were very proactive and very much wanted to please God and want others to as well. And that’s all very good — until you start trying to appease God and forget about his unconditional love. I needed to get back into His Word and find the evidence that I am loved by God himself. When you’re depressed you can’t do that. But I prayed and God brought me to Himself in little ways until I was ready to seek Him more intentionally. (I am now determined to write down what He is showing me… for next time.)
When I was hit with depression after coming face-to-face with my own foolishness in a spiritual battle, I was terrified that I would never be well again. I fully believed that I had arrived at a place from which there was no escape. I held on to my children emotionally as if they were moving out the next day. Every smile made me cry inside, knowing that one day they would be gone. Small things seemed insurmountable, like seeing that my bathroom floor was dirty. It made me want to curl up on the couch and never get up again. I was completely defeated.
Looking back at each of the four major depressive episodes I’ve had, I can see different expressions of the depression in each. But there were some recurring themes including:
- Illogical thinking,
- Intense loneliness,
- Feelings of defeat and despair,
- Feelings of guilt and unworthiness,
- Irrational fear, and
- Hopelessness.
Depression is not logical. Your thoughts are not logical. Your body does not operate the way it should. Nothing makes sense. But there is hope: Depression is treatable. Those of us who fight depression can be victorious if we choose to do the hard work, to fight, and to depend on God.
So How will I fight?
Depression reaches into every dimension of a person’s life– physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. That being the case, we have to employ lifestyle changes that address each of those dimensions. That may include medicine, counseling, diet, exercise, healthy relationships, and many more tools — or weapons, if you will — that God has given us. I’m determined to find the weapons that work for me. I’m also dedicated to sharing what I learn with you.
If you’re fighting, or if you know someone who fights, please join me for this empowering journey. I’ll share what I learn as I learn it. I’ll also share how things are working for me and more of my story as it applies to the things I’m learning. I’d love for you to join me. (Please sign up for my mailing list to your upper right and “like” my Facebook page so you won’t miss anything.)
You’re in my prayers. Don’t ever forget that “If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there;
if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.” Psalm 34:18, the Message
Beth
never alone, always held
by Beth | Oct 4, 2024 | Blog
“I’m so depressed since they cancelled my show.”
“My electric bill was surprisingly high this month — it left me depressed.”
“I don’t feel like cleaning my house today; I guess I’m just depressed.”
How often do you hear similar comments or even say them? With the commonly accepted use of the word “depressed” it’s no wonder we don’t have an accurate understanding of what depression really is. The misuse of the word has contributed to a sad and vast misunderstanding of — and therefore a widespread inappropriate reaction to — depression.
- Many people who are clinically depressed don’t recognize it as such, because their symptoms don’t match the overused notion of depression (which often amounts to feeling down in the dumps, usually in response to a particular source of stress or disappointment). Failure to recognize depression for what it truly is will delay or even prevent the depressed person from getting the help they need.
- Even among those who do recognize that they are clinically depressed, finding empathy among friends and family can be difficult. Too many people hold the misconception that depression is simply an overreaction to ordinary troubles in life, or that the depressed person is just looking for an excuse to be lazy, or antisocial.
- Others believe they have been depressed when what they actually experienced may have been sadness, exhaustion, the “baby blues” or another source of stress that caused negative feelings. While these are all difficult and unenjoyable, they are not depression. Believing you’ve been depressed when you haven’t diminishes your ability to empathize and offer help to someone who really is.
- On the other end of the spectrum people may use the word “depression” as a mask or an excuse. Instead of facing the uncomfortable and unenjoyable consequences of living a foolish life, they find it easy to blame their life-issues on “depression.” It seems like the easy route at first, but their true problem is not being dealt with.
Last week, I wrote “It’s Time to Fight,” an article that declared my recognition of depression in my own life and the commitment to fight it (by the grace of God). I’ve been doing a lot of research into this illness as well as a lot of praying (for strength to fight, for wisdom). I’ve also been praying for the friends who have come to me and thanked me for writing that article because they too fight depression. To me, it seems logical to start with an understanding of what depression really is, and what it’s not. From there we can start learning how to fight it.
Depression is not the same as a bad mood or feeling sad or blue. Depression is not something a person can choose to “snap out of” nor is it merely an emotional illness. Depression is caused by a disturbance of the intricate and delicately balanced chemical system in your brain. It is a physical illness, every bit as much as cancer or diabetes are physical illnesses.
How do I know that depression is a physical illness and not just an emotional response to negative situations? First, there is overwhelming scientific evidence to that effect. Second, I’ve experienced it. In each of my four significant episodes with depression, there was a specific, definable moment that I felt the “black curtain” fall over my life. The circumstances of my life did not change so drastically in mere moments to throw me into a deep depression. What changed so drastically and suddenly was the complicated balance of chemicals and hormones in my brain as my body attempted to respond to my life circumstances.
The following is a list of symptoms that doctors use to evaluate whether or not a patient is suffering from depression. Notice how many of them don’t involve “feelings” at all, but affect mental and physical functioning.
- Depressed mood
- Loss of interest or pleasure in all (or nearly all) activities, even those you formerly enjoyed
- Large change in appetite or weight (increase or decrease)
- Insomnia or hypersomnia (sleeping too much)
- Slowing of physical movements, or agitation
- Intense fatigue
- Excessive feelings of guilt or worthlessness
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- Frequent thoughts of death (your own or someone else)
- Feelings of hopelessness or irrational ‘certainties’ about the future
*The Depression Cure, Stephen S. Ilardi, PHD, Page 28.
A medical diagnosis of depression requires either “depressed mood” or “loss of interest” as well as four other symptoms from this list. Your doctor will look to see if these symptoms have persisted all day or most of the day, almost every day for at least two weeks. It is wise for you to keep a journal if you can, or ask someone such as your spouse to do so.
If you are feeling some of these symptoms, it’s important for you to see your doctor right away. (Even a family practice doctor is trained in identifying depression and can prescribe or refer you to appropriate sources of treatment.) It is also imperative that you are accurate and objective with your answers to his questions. There are other serious medical conditions that share similar symptoms and your doctor will need accurate information in order to make an accurate diagnosis.
In his book “The Depression Cure”, Stephen Ilardi Ph.D. describes depression this way:
“It’s a syndrome that deprives people of their energy, sleep, concentration, joy, confidence, memory, sex-drive — their ability to love and work and play. It can even rob them of their will to live. Over time, depression damages the brain and wreaks havoc on the body. It’s a treacherous illness — a shudder-inducing foe that no one in their right mind would ever take lightly, certainly not if they understood the disorder’s capacity to destroy life.” (The Depression Cure, page 26)
Depression is complicated. There is no way we can really answer the question “What is depression?” in one article. I’ll share much more as we go along on the quest for weapons against this dark and debilitating illness. Next week I’ll share some insight into what I personally have felt during my various episodes of depression.
For now, I’m going to watch some Tim Hawkins with my family. Laughter is a very effective weapon on the war against depression! (Proverbs 17:22) Click that link and treat yourself to some laughter therapy!
by Beth | Oct 4, 2024 | Blog
That’s it! I’ve Had Enough! It’s Time to fight!
I’ve always been a little bit on the sassy side, willing to say what I think, fight for what I want, and stand up for what I believe. Hopefully I’ve matured a little and have learned to apply that trait more appropriately.
I haven’t had a good fight lately, probably due to my matured ability to choose my battles and let things go. But, I’m writing today to let the world know that I have been presented with a battle and I have chosen to fight.
The battle I’m fighting is depression. It is by far the darkest, most debilitating trial I’ve experienced to date. Oh, I’ve had other difficulties, I’ve experienced the following and more:
Extreme loneliness and isolation
Lost love
Overwhelming college classes
Husband’s unemployment
Infertility
Difficult and possibly life-threatening pregnancies (two)
Baby with an APGAR score of “1”
Having to leave home and family (and move several states away)
Financial insecurity
Debt
A sick baby
38 months of sleepless nights
Church crises
Extended family crises
Overwhelm, self-doubt, and feelings of failure
I know there are worse things that can happen and many people have experienced them. I cannot compare depression to anything I haven’t experienced. But for me, it is the deepest darkness of all.
The first two times I dealt with depression it was postpartum. Any reading I did on the subject was strictly about postpartum depression and it was for the purpose of trying to understand what I was currently experiencing. I hoped that if I could understand it better I could fight it better. I never really did arrive at an understanding, but God faithfully brought His light into my darkness.
My third experience was also a response to a physical event, though it wasn’t child birth. This time I experienced “post-surgery depression”. Who knew? That was the first hint I had that I might be vulnerable to depression outside the occurrence of child birth.
When the clouds of that depression started to lift, I started doing some more reading. I knew that there would come a time when I didn’t feel the need to research depression because I would feel fine. One doesn’t feel a strong need to learn to fight depression when she feels like she has already overcome it. Looking objectively at what I had experienced, I was beginning to see that even though I was healing from this particular occurrence, it would probably be back. I decided it was time I start learning about this illness in general and not just about postpartum depression. If this was going to hit me again, I wanted to be prepared.
So, I read a book or two.
And then I felt better and started focusing on other things. Not feeling the burden of deep depression, I wasn’t driven to learn to fight it.
Several months later I began to accept the reality that I was still dealing with a low level of depression. I went to my doctor and agreed to take a higher dose of Zoloft. Still, I didn’t feel compelled to learn more and equip myself to fight. I think at that point I had resigned myself to letting the medicine fight for me.
Shorty after that I discovered the most frightening truth of my life. For the first time, I experienced deep, terrifying depression that was not in response to a physical stimulus. In the preceding months I had allowed myself to be pulled into an intense spiritual battle; one that had actually been silently brewing for many years, and one that I plan to write about in the future. One Friday evening, this battle was brought to a crucial climax. In the course of about an hour, I was brought into accountability by a loved one while at the very same time offered grace, support, and forgiveness. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced those emotions at the same time, but it’s a pretty powerful mix. After crying until I felt sort of dead, I thought I would join my family and try to have a normal evening. I was shocked at what happened instead. In a matter of moments I went from feeling like things would be okay to having a panic attack and sinking into a deep depression. I saw myself in the hospital on heavy medication. I was terrified that I would never be well again. I now knew that not only was I vulnerable to depression outside of child birth, but outside the incidence of any kind of physical trauma.
God ministered to me through my husband that night and throughout the following week. I was shocked and thankful that this round of depression only lasted about a week. (I say only to compare it to how long it could have lasted, not to in any way imply that a week of depression does not feel like an eternity.)
Since then I’ve had one more dip into depression, probably because I decided to decrease my medicine (due to some side effects) and we decreased it too quickly. Eventually, I plan to decrease my medicine and hopefully stop it altogether. But here is one thing I know:
I am prone to depression. And it’s time I started fighting back.
Within a week after that critical night, God showed me just how powerful He is, and just how much He loves me. He swept in and pulled me from that battle, healed my wounds, and He finished it Himself. My enemy tried to pull me back into that battle, and my flesh was tempted to listen. But by the grace of God, I’m learning to recognize the weapons that Satan uses against me. More importantly:
I know Who is on my side and that no weapon that’s fashioned against me will stand.
Concerning this specific spiritual battle, other battles to come, and the battle against depression, I am declaring that “The battle belongs to the Lord.” And He has already won.
I’m picking up my armor today. I’m going to put my tendency to fight to good use. I’ll be writing about it as I go along in case there is anyone out there who may be blessed by what I’m learning. If you would like to receive notices when I post thoughts/articles about this topic, please sign up for my mailing list to your right.
Thank you for reading. I pray that if this issue has touched your life in any way, whether depression has affected you or a loved one, that you will find some kind of help, comfort, courage, or relief through what I’ll be sharing in the coming weeks.
If you have friends who may be blessed by this article and the ones to follow, please consider clicking the “Share” button below. I humbly ask for your prayers as I approach this battle and as I attempt to bless others by being transparent and sharing my experience. I know I have already gained the victory through Jesus Christ. Please pray that His power would be evident, and the He will use this to not only make me victorious but many others as well.
by Beth | Sep 27, 2024 | Blog
I used to struggle with fear. I’m not sure when it began, perhaps when I became old enough to understand that there really are monsters in this world and bad things do indeed happen to good people.
It showed up in such a profound way when my first child was born that I didn’t even recognize it for what it was. It almost completely crushed me. For two years I lived in the darkness of the shadow of intense fear with no idea how to explain it to loved ones, how to get out from under it, or if I would ever be free again.
The doctors called it Postpartum Depression. Knowing that there was a medical term for what I was feeling gave me hope that somewhere out there I could find help; I wasn’t just crazy! “Depression” was a term that helped me describe the overwhelming sadness I felt — in what should have been the happiest season of my life — but it didn’t explain those other feelings. The ones that had me convinced that my husband was probably going to die. Or the ones that didn’t allow me to accept the pure joy that is being a mom — because deep in my heart was a fear that this could all end at any moment.
Those feelings that couldn’t be articulated, the ones that couldn’t be described by using the word “depressed,” the ones that were the darkest and most crushing; those were the manifestations of deep-seated fear. I couldn’t see it for what it was because my emotions were amplified and distorted so much by the imbalanced hormones that were raging through my body that they weren’t recognizable as simply fear.
I say, “simply fear.” But there is nothing simple about fear, or what it can do to your soul.
God knows.
He knows what fear can do to your soul. That’s why He tells us, over and over, “Do not fear.”
He also knows that fear has no power over you or me. That’s why He is able to say, “Do not fear” because He knows we have a choice.
I’m learning, ever so slowly, that “perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 4:18) I struggle with that verse because I wonder, if I have fear, does that mean I don’t love God? So I ask God to “…search my heart… and point out anything in me that offends you” (from Psalm 139:23-24).
Recently, during the most frightening trial of my life thus far, God camped out with me on that verse and taught me something I’ll never forget.
When I was imagining the worst possible outcome in a situation my family was facing, there was a moment when God asked me, “And if that were to happen, would you trust me?”
…deep breath….
“No,.. I don’t think so.” (Through many, many fearful tears and trembling.)
“Well, maybe.” (As He gently whispers, “I am.”)
“Oh God, I hope so.” (Because what do I have if not that?)
“I want to…but…” (I know you let bad things happen to good people.)
“…Help me in my unbelief.”
And He whispers the truths I’ve been reading in my Bible since I was four years old.
And then I asked, “Do you mean to say that I can trust that even if, in your sovereignty (that I still don’t understand) you allow my worst nightmare to come true, you will still work it together for our good?” (Romans 8:28)
And God patiently waits while I let that truth penetrate the darkness that has threatened to choke out all hope and joy.
And by the grace of God I learn in that moment that I have no reason to fear.
…deep, cleansing, exhale…
God wasn’t testing my love for Him.
Instead, He’s revealing to me that I can trust His love for me.
His love is complete.
When I fully accept His love, there is nothing to fear.
We have an enemy who seeks to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). But we have a savior who has crushed his head (Genesis 3:15).
Satan is defeated.
The battle is won.
The war is over.
So will I trust Him and be healed of my fear?
God revealed to me in that moment the faith I wasn’t sure I had. He showed me that I do trust Him, that I do believe — no matter the outcome — that He is good, and that we are safe in His care. With trembling hands, and a sudden sense of peace, I heard my soul say,
“So be it.”
…
It literally lasted as long as it takes to say those three words.
But it meant that I was free.
Free from crippling fear.
Free to trust my God with whatever may come.
“And I am now convinced that nothing can separate me from the love that is in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8: 38-39)
Not fear.
Not the coming true of my worst nightmare.
My worst nightmare did not come true. I’ll never use that outcome as proof that “God is good” because I believe He is good even when our fears do come true. His ability and willingness to keep me from harm is a profound testament to His greatness. His ability and promise to keep me safe even in the midst of my worst nightmare, that is what makes Him the God I willingly trust.
It’s easy to say, not as easy to live. I guess that’s what faith is all about.
I see the danger and heartache all around me. It’s tangible, it’s real. If I am to overcome the fear of what I see, I must develop a deep and rich understanding of and belief in the Love of God, who I can’t see.
It’s only by walking and talking with Him every day, surrounding myself with His truth, and listening to His voice of truth, that I will ever, and always, be able to answer, “Yes. I trust God’s love.”
Do you know Him so well and trust Him so deeply that you can say, in the face of your worst fear, “So be it?”
photos courtesy of Lydia Cranford
